How to Validate Someone’s Feelings

Knowing how to validate someone's feelings can improve your relationships. The most important parts include putting yourself in the shoes of the other person, but there's a little more to it.

Imagine you’re opening up to someone who doesn’t know how to validate someone’s feelings. You are opening up to them about something unpleasant you’ve gone through, but all you get is “everything happens for a reason”, a phrase often used by “toxic” people in your environment, connected to toxic positivity. Likewise, even if just unconsciously, you might be reacting to others in a non-validating, non-empathic manner.

Essentially validating someone’s feelings means confirming whatever they are going through, acknowledging that it exists and expressing that it is acceptable and understandable for them to feel a certain type of emotion. We’ll show you the most important tips on how to validate someone’s feelings and give you some examples of statements you can use. 

Active Listening Is The First Step In Validating Someone's Feelings

There are different listening types, but active listening is the one you should use when learning how to validate someone’s feelings. Being an empathic listener is the foundation of authentic communication. It involves a few steps:

1. Truly listen to the other person and give them your full and undivided attention.
2. Pay attention to the other person’s non-verbal clues.
3. Use your silence and eye contact to encourage the other person to share.
4. Listen with a non-judgmental, non-evaluative attitude and don’t jump to conclusions too soon.
5. Ask questions when there’s room for it but don’t interrupt the other person.

5 Tips on How To Validate Someone’s Feelings

First, you should understand that validating someone’s feelings does not necessarily mean you agree with them. Even if you struggle to empathize with the situation or fear that the other person is being irrational, your aim should be to help them and make them feel heard and understood.

1. Validate their emotions: Properly listen and identify the emotions of the other person. Make sure they feel comfortable to express their emotions. For example, don’t make them feel bad for crying, but reassure them that it is okay. Using phrases such as “that makes sense” or “I can see that” are helpful. Put yourself in the shoes of the other person.

Ask yourself: Have I been in a similar situation before? How would I want someone to comfort and validate my own feelings? Based on that, you’ll have a better feeling of how to act or what to say. 

2. Use behavioral validation: Make sure the other person feels like their behavior is being validated. Repeat back what the other person told you about a certain situation. This will reassure them that you are actually listening. Try not to add judgment to this statement. They may open up to you about a certain situation or behavior. Avoid making them feel bad for whatever this behavior may be — no matter whether you personally approve or disapprove of it.

4. Ask permission before giving advice: Avoid giving out unsolicited advice. It’s great if you think that your input benefits the other person. But make sure, to check whether they are truly receptive to advice. Firstly, see how their emotional state is or has changed from the start of the conversation. Secondly, just ask openly: “Do you want to hear my point of view on this situation?” and make sure not to pressure them into saying yes. 

4. Try yourself at cognitive validation: Cognitive validation is essentially about recognizing the bigger picture of a situation and putting the emotions of the other person into perspective. This method is especially useful if you have a close relationship with the other person. They may not be able to think rationally when they are telling you about an unpleasant situation, so you could support them by asking some questions about their emotions.

Similarly to giving advice, you should ask the other person beforehand, whether they are okay with you asking questions on the topic. Let’s look at an example scenario: Imagine your best friend tells you about feeling insecure about a job interview. After the job interview, your friend feels anxious and overwhelmed, worried about not being eligible for the job. A question you could ask in that situation would be: “Is it possible, that you feel like you don’t deserve the job?”

5. Share your own experiences: Depending on the situation, it may comfort the other person, to know that you went through something similar. Of course, that’s only applicable if it is true. You shouldn’t make up a false scenario. Also, try not to make the whole conversation about you, the focus should still be on validating the other person’s feelings. 

https://utopia.org/guide/emotional-resilience-training/

Dos and Don'ts: Statements You Should Use or Avoid To Validate Someone’s Feelings

DO’S:

• “I appreciate you shared that story with me.”
• “It’s okay to feel this way.”
• “I understand how the situation made you feel that way.”
• “Your feelings make total sense.”
• “I’m here with you.”

DON’TS:

• “You are overreacting.”
• “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
• “Other people have it worse.”
• “Don’t worry about it.”
• “Just move on.”

Read More:

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• Energy Vampires: Definition, Signs & 5 Ways to Deal With Them
• Morning Affirmations: 10 Positive Ways To Start Your Day
• Long Distance Friendship: Maintaining Relationships from Afar

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Tags: Guide How-To's Relationships Social